“Master Toshi! Master Toshi! Now that I’ve mastered the monkey crane wing kick and the oxtail punch, what must I do?” “You must learn the dead crow mountain slap.” “Master Toshi! Master Toshi! Look after 15 tries, I’ve learnt it. Now, the enemies of peace will shudder!” “There is always much to learn. Find […]Read more "Kung Fu Prose"
“Hi! Welcome to The Coffee Bean! May I take your order?” “Yes. A tall kale syrup infused, vegan papaya crushed candy sprinkled, no-sugar, no-dairy dairy, zero-carb, zero-fat, 23.23% water only, 15% synthetic ice, organic walnut mocha ala climate change activist with two decaffeinated espresso shots made from wheat kernels.” “Sure. Is there anything else you’d […]Read more "Getting Coffee"
My dear fashionistas, As the new year approaches, I’d like to take this time to acknowledge the Trendsetters of 2019. These are two people who defined elegance this year. They appealed to our aesthetic sensibilities. They redefined the arts with their style or flamboyance. The fashion industry flourishes because of them. So, without further ado, […]Read more "Fashion Trendsetters of 2019"
Humpty sat in the refrigerator pondering and pondering, which is pretty much what eggs did. They were deep existential thinkers, contemplating on the nature of good and evil, and the nature of man and man’s relationship to them. He pondered on metaphysical things like the nature of the eternal yolk, the finitude of the shell […]Read more "Humpty"
Jack and Jill were a pair of punks who loved cocaine and BDSM. They cut each other before Jack gave Jill a punitive buggering or vice versa. One day, after a long session filled with tiny rivulets coating both pair of cheeks, blood, and murmurs of orgasms lasting long after the post-coital cigarette, they were […]Read more "Jack and Jill"
I announced my retirement today as a professional boxer. I won fifty fights and lost only four, and my manager patted me on the back, and said, “You should be proud of yourself, son. You owned this sport,” but I cried in the shower. I sobbed aloud and screamed, “What a tragedy! What a fucking […]Read more "The pugilist"
Men with peace signs: We only want love. Intelligent woman: So do something about it! There are two groups vehemently arguing. Men with peace signs: We only want love. Intelligent woman: Listen, we can stop this before things get messy. But I need your help. I’ll do the talking, and since you’re strong men, you […]Read more "Turn the other cheek"