Have I told you that you’re my lucidity?
The clearest thought that settles somewhere
in the back of a shadowed mind,
and slowly, gently, inch by inch,
lights it up, until I’m smiling again
though my eyes are bloodshot
and I’m staring like someone catatonic,
looking through the phases of my life and time?
You may not notice the smile, but it’s there,
and the clarity your love gives me,
even if it’s for a few moments
is like a beautiful minimalistic
piano piece by Einuadi or Allevi.
It’s serene and absorbs me
with a faint glow that slowly rises like a crescendo,
building up very steadily and subconsciously,
and it’s more than a jaded heart can hope for.
I’ve walked the dark alleyways of littered purgatory,
hoping for a cleansing from madness that possesses,
but I only lose my way,
and I’m trapped in a vicious circle,
walking the same places over and again,
the downpour chastising me,
but then with soaked clothes,
I remember that’s there more than
a frightening, agonizing status quo.
I remember you,
and your grace and steel-blue strength:
a tranquil yet sturdy resolve,
your brown eyes possessing an allure
that’s both subtly sensual and fiery,
your way of handling
the most complex situations
with the simplest intuition,
your beauty that draws me
away from every other woman I’ve known,
and I make my way home,
dirty, with clothes clinging to me,
feverish from the cold,
and you pull me to you, despite it all,
and kiss me ever so gently,
and then this house we live in transforms –
the muted bulbs become chandeliers,
the worn couches become luxurious,
the hard bed becomes soft,
and the dust and echoes of trauma dissipate,
and when we make love,
it’s the apex of a together actualization,
it’s the epitome of a together transcendence,
because it’s deeper than lust.
It’s a bond we’ve forged over years
of an almost us, to finally taking the step
and constructing our architecture that’s standing
despite each storm of tribulation,
despite each fire of unresolved hurt and bitterness,
and I know we’ll heal,
not because of the time we spend together,
but because of what we share.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2020)

Photo by Jong Marshes on Unsplash

 

2 thoughts on “ Lucidity ”

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